The following is a column posted as a MySpace bulletin on July 21, 2008. My modern day commentary can be found after my italicized signature.
Was It Worth It?
I'm pretty sure that September 21, 2007 was the day Kathryne and I started dating. I don't know for sure but for some reason that date that sticks out in my head. We broke up the first time around Mid-November or Early December, righted our wrongs around January and re-broke up in about March, the same time I fell for Bianca. Here I sit at the glass patio table in my backyard with my MacBook, and the rest of the world in my hands, and I cant help but wonder, was the text-lationship with Bianca worth losing Kat over? Was it really worth it?
I can recall many a night laying in the hammock in my backyard texting Bianca. Time that I believed, and hoped at the time, would never end. Just alot of "Sweeties, Sweethearts, Girlies, and Lil Mama's" and not to mention blowing off my prom date, not Kat, to dance with Bianca all night, (secretly the whole reason I went to prom). I thought Bianca was it, not thinking at the time that a 15 year old boy has little to offer an 18 year old girl, my bad, or that if we did begin dating she would be in deep legal trouble, again my bad.
Kathryne, for everything I did, I am genuinely sorry. Thank you for not giving in, she knows what I mean, and teaching me that the grass being greener on the other side is just a myth. I like our grass just fine. You have changed me for the better Katie Bear. I hope that one day you can forgive me, and I can forgive myself, and we can pick up where we left off, on my bed watching the Post-It note episode of Sex and the City.
Bianca, as for you, thank you as well. You have taught me so much about relationships and I'm willing to bet this MacBook on it that you didn't know. I think fate put us in Las Vegas together that week. Whatever it was, I thank God I met you! You too have changed me for the better and I wouldn't trade our hours of calls and texts for pretty much anything.
When I began typing this blog and asked myself if it was worth it, I was certain my answer would be "No", but for the first time this week, I am beginning to second guess myself. Maybe it was worth it. How else would I have learned about the true color of the grass on the other side, or that I cant walk out on the girl who loves me and expect her to take me back when things don't work out with my 'chick on the side'. Now that I think about it, Yes, it was all worth it. And I wouldn't do it all over again, but I'm pretty glad I did it the first time.
Drive safe and hang up that phone, now it's the law!
Thanks guys and girls!
-Brendon Joshua
“I cant help but wonder”... I told you I copied Sex and the City. Alot. This was Carrie Bradshaw’s famous opener. I thought then what I think now, it’s a damn good opening line. The problem is that it is her line. I honestly rested comfortably in the idea that I was the only kid my age religiously watching Sex and the City. Nobody ever called me on it, so I guess I was right.
Other than not remembering ever having a hammock in our backyard growing up (one of several embellishments in this column) it’s important to note that Bianca and I never actually dated. I did ditch my prom date to dance with her all night because I was infatuated by her. I don’t remember there being such an age gap, but I have always liked older women. And, “lil’ mama”? C’mon 15 year old, Brendon!
Paragraph 3: Hey, I actually admitted to watching Sex and the City. I don’t remember writing that, but I never had any shame in liking that show. I was not able to relate to any of it; the gratuitous sex, the high fashion, and the drinking in bars with my friends, but I genuinely considered myself both a serious writer and a New Yorker despite never having been to New York City even to this day.
Gotta love the eternal optimist version of me who always looked for the life lesson, even in being rejected by a girl. In retrospect, I’m pretty sure Bianca had no idea I broke up with Kathryne to be with her. I never told her and never made my desires clear to her. I didn’t learn to fearlessly speak my mind until later in life.
That time capsule-esque closing line was my way of announcing California’s new-at-the-time Hands Free driving law prohibiting using your cell phone and driving.
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